There does seem to be a depressing inevitability to all of this.
Three things have happened today. I initially called them major things, but I’m not so sure now. It is hard to tell what is significant. The immediate world feels surreal.
President Macron of France has announced new national lockdown restrictions. The population will probably riot, they often do. The French love a good manifestation.
The labour party are investigating something Mr Corbyn has allegedly done. I’m not sure what but someone is offended, so lots of other people feel they ought to be offended too. Mr Corbyn is not a typical politician, he is calm, gentle, human, does not surround himself with silly self-serving advisers, he speaks freely, laughs, likes manhole covers. The political world does not seem to know how to relate to someone eccentric like that, how to accommodate his values, so their knee jerk reaction is to reject him. It is a little like when mother rodents kill their young.
The electric wires are damaged so no trains can run in or out of King’s Cross station. Some trains have been stranded for close to three hours now, stuck in sight of civilisation but unable to be rescued. I’m tempted to go to the station and have a look, but there may not be much to see. Journalists would have to take photographs of the departure boards saying delayed and cancelled, although they could just use old images if they have any, it wouldn’t matter.
I feel the need to prepare for a winter of solitude and minimal outward activity. It will be existing, not living. I have applied for a miserable handful of jobs, none of them especially exciting or that I feel I am suited to. I’ve just looked on Tescos’s website – I like the job title Dairy temp. I could try Ocado too, this area seems to be where food deliveries originate from. It is long hours and physical. I’m worried I don’t have the stamina but I can try I suppose. I can just do what’s necessary to convince the job centre people that I am at least trying. Everyone does that to an extent, and they know it, they don’t care too much, I suspect. It’s all futile, it keeps them in a job though. The reality is I don’t want a job that much. I could try Ocado and just do it until Christmas. I wouldn’t have much of a life, but there isn’t life to be had at the moment anyway, so I’m not missing out. I’d see the Thames Path in half light at both ends of the day. It pays roughly the same as the HMRC job, but over four days, and not involving speaking to people through a headset. The physicality will either make me fit, or exhausted, or probably both. I think they do discounts on food too.
A man has sat down opposite who looks familiar. Slim, pale, dark hair, glasses, wearing a black zip up jacket. This often happens, I think I recognise people but they are just like someone I have known. I’m almost thinking it is James Johnston, he dyed his hair often. Something says it isn’t him though. It would be weird if it is him, and he is pointedly ignoring me. I’m slightly unnerved by the resemblance. Possibly he’s taken a lot of mescalin and his perception isn’t very good. Lindsay Anderson makes points about being able to categorise people into a limited number, maybe half a dozen character types. As we get older and more experienced at life we become more adept at identifying them on first encounter. We also become generally less tolerant of fools and fakes. Lindsay Anderson used the same actors playing multiple parts in his films, often Arthur Lowe, sometimes blacked up. I must watch some more of his films.
I’ve been thinking about a career move into teaching – “retraining”, as the government told us creative people to do a month ago. I can’t though, without the means to support myself during the training. So, even following the government “advice” to retrain and be useful to society is a luxury reserved for those with savings, wealth, privilege. I could do a volunteering overseas programme, outside my comfort zone but why not, nothing to lose, last chance, etc. It could be liberating to let go of possessions again. Do it for a year or two, take lots of film, come back and develop it.
I don’t think it is James Johnston opposite, he doesn’t wear beanie hats, or coats like that.
Andrew Stevenson 