128.  Saturday afternoon, in a London haunt.

Recovering from internal pestilence.  Oddly, a week of pain and limited ability to move, times of lightheadedness through lack of sleep has catalysed clarity of thought, renewed purposefulness, practical use of time, being productive, feeling confident, being in control.  At one point, the very worst stage, at 3am one day, trying to visualise different internal … Continue reading 128.  Saturday afternoon, in a London haunt.

41.

There's a young kitchen porter here with the voice and mannerisms of an emotionally damaged Melvyn Hayes.  A rasping voice, manic jerking body gestures, clearly a maverick, tolerated by his compatriots.  Plenty of people don't fit in.  He's quite small, thin, happy, probably regularly ridiculed with affection, which encourages his manic behaviour. Melvyn Hayes never … Continue reading 41.

15X. 11th March 2022

I don’t know what went wrong.  I’m here now, piecing things together.  Actually not piecing together.  Working out what to do next.  Cutting things out.  Planning.  New spaces.  Different life.  Different people.  I have to do this every few years.  Different writing.  Different habits.  Not piecing together, tearing apart.  Separating good from bad.  Letting go … Continue reading 15X. 11th March 2022

152.  “Is there anybody clearing the tables because I don’t think there is anybody clearing the tables”

Re-starting serious writing again, after a long break.  Transitioning to think like an artist again. I’m at the great Chiltern Court.  It’s odd to think that John Betjeman came here in a past era.  If he was here now he’d probably mingle with the locals, he seemed a jovial type.   People from the past sometimes … Continue reading 152.  “Is there anybody clearing the tables because I don’t think there is anybody clearing the tables”

82.  Watching, not joining.  The Saturday before Christmas.

An announcement this afternoon that new restrictions are to begin tomorrow.  This is the most urgent implementation yet, I believe.  Stay at home, essential shops only to open, go out for a walk but only with one other person, and so on.  This just reinforces the feeling of detachment, end, disengagement, empty time.  The bookshop … Continue reading 82.  Watching, not joining.  The Saturday before Christmas.